What Did Santa Bring You For the Kitchen?

Well, if I ever decide to open a bakery, I think this Christmas took the cake (< see what I did there) when it comes to getting set up for it. I got about 9 million kitchen items to get the bakery started on firm ground in 2012. I think the most impressive gift I received was this:

The Cricut Cake Machine

This little machine cuts fondant and "icing sheets", whatever those are. It is like the Cricut machine that people use for scrapbooking, but made for cakes. I can't wait to use it. Let's hope it works as well as it promises.

Jon got me cake decorating lessons from Hobby Lobby. Those start in January and are twice a week. Very exciting. Maybe I will finally learn how to make super smooth cakes with butter cream. That is something YouTube just can't seem to teach me.

My mom got me one of these from Ross. It was just so cute she couldn't pass it up.

Hopefully it will make cupcake transport easier.

Strangely enough, I got two pressure cookers, two 9" round cake pans, and two bread pans. One of the pressure cookers will have to be returned, as will the 9" cake pans. Unfortunately, the cake pans have slanted sides. That will not work for cakes that are to be stacked. You need the pans to have straight sides. I might keep one as a biscuit pan. We'll see.

So... did Santa bring you for your kitchen?

Grandma H's Kolache Recipe and Other Disappointments

As my loyal readers (all 2 of them) know, I have been trying for year to get Jon's gran to give me the family recipe for kolaches. There's been a lot of back and forth.

In comes Christmas, and our obligatory family visit. I'm sitting alone, minding my own business, when Grandma H walks up to me with the biggest smile on her face and a little, folded piece of paper in her hands. She makes me come to dining table before she explains that she is giving me something special this Christmas:

BEHOLD!

I was so excited I almost wet myself! Finally, after 6 years of begging and pleading, I finally got a copy of the recipe. Gran, all proud, smiles and moves on about her holiday party. I quickly unfold the paper and scan for a clue about what I am doing wrong all this time. Then I realize this recipe is a little...vague. What I had clutched in my hands was not a recipe, it was a list of ingredients and their measurements. No other instructions whatsoever. It was as if Santa had shit in my cereal.

I finally get a chance to corner Gran and say very gently..."Um...this recipe seems to be missing the instruction portion, Gran." She laughed and said, "All you have to do is dump this stuff in a mixer. Nothing to it!" All of you that have seem my last June 11th kolache bomb know that is NOT all there is to it. So now I'm doing the delicate dance of "what is she hiding from me?"

Ten minutes later she comes back over and says, "oh, you want to mix your wet ingredients first, then add them to the dry." I dive for a pen, "DOES ANYONE HAVE A BLOODY PEN!!!"

Thirty minutes later she wanders back towards me with a quizzical expression, "Oh you want to make sure that you don't knead the dough. Just pat it down gently or the kolaches will be tough. I think I forgot to mention that."



*me feverishly writing, and thinking, I've never seen a kolache recipe where the dough was pressed flat*

"Pressed flat, Gran?"

"Oh yes," she said. "You have to cut it with a biscuit cutter."

Now I'm beyond confused. That is TOTALLY opposite from what I learned from the Kolache Master several years ago. I sit and stew over this a Gran rejoins the party.

Later I realize, I have no idea how long to cook these for and how many I can expect to get out of a batch. Is she purposefully trying to be elusive?!

I corner Gran in the kitchen again and ask her what to bake these on and how long. She gives me a rough temperature, and says the batch will produce 4-6 dozen. That's a huge variance!

One of Jon's aunts saw me plop down in a fit of exasperation after all of this and kindly wandered over and said this: "You are never going to be able to make them the way she does, because every time you try, she will sneak behind you and put something in the bowl while you have your back turned. That's how they always come out right."

So essentially, I think I am still at square one with the kolache recipe. It's been about 6 months since my last try. I guess it's about time to try again. Perhaps I'll see if I can 1/2 the recipes I do have in order to spare my poor soul kitchen for the tempest that is kolache making.

Bacon Candy

Well you asked forit: bacon, chocolate and caramel candy. I was supposed to make it last week for my #1 fan's birthday, but alas it was just too hectic of a week to get it together.

I am making up for it this weekend by making a gagillion things at once in my tiny little kitchen. It's like Thanksgiving in the home of my favorite blogger, NeNe.  Here's what's going down:

• Burner One: Pinto Beans and Sausage
• Burner Two: Stew 
• Burner Three: Double Boiler of chocolate
• Burner Four: Bacon.
• Oven: Sugar Cookie trial batch for snowflake cookie sales.
• Microwave: Carmel sauce.
• The Fridge...is very very afraid.

We just spent a ton on groceries, despite doing much better with stacking our coupons. I am determine not to waste any food this go round. So, today starts the cooking for the week so we can pack some of the leftovers away for another time.

Right now, the bacon candy is in the fridge hardening up, but I couldn't resist breaking off a bit to show you and um...consume unmercifully. Here it is.

I wish I wouldn't have tried it, I might eat it all before I can sell it.

So, the original recipe called for peanuts, but I left them out. This baby has plenty of salty and sweet textures, and the peanuts might have over done it. Not sure really, perhaps I'll offer two varieties: one with peanuts and one without. I've decided to package them in cute little cellophane bags with bows. It will be great.

On a side note, I am not advocating the eating of raw dough, but I had a teensy taste of the sugar cookie dough and almost died in a flavor coma. It was like sugared butter. I don't know if these cookies are going to get far from my kitchen. I was going to decorate them in royal icing and sugar pearls, then wrap them in the cellophane bags and give them away as Christmas gifts to coworkers. I am going to have to rethink my plans here. The original recipe said that it make 60 cookies. I probably should have made the whole recipe instead of cutting down to two dozen. There's no way I could have eaten all 60...right?

Are you preparing any special recipes to give away as gifts for Christmas?

Baby Shower Cake!

For a baby girl! Congrats Jen & Scott!

A Twist on the M&M Cake

Reese's pieces add a cute Halloween or Thanksgiving flair.

Cinnamon Roll Redeaux

I don't know why I spelled "redeaux" like that. I'm not Cajun or anything, I just think it's a funner way to spell it. Anyway, if you took a guess in the mystery dough challenge, thanks a million. The answer was cinnamon rolls. 


Now you're probably thinking, "Wait! You already taught us how to make those here." Well, that is true, but I don't think I did too good of a job showing you the hands on components on that batch. So, I'm going to try to set things right by showing you one more time. This batch came out monumentally better by the way.


Ingredients:
Dough from Scratch

1 cup milk (heated approximately 1 minute in microwave)
1/4 cup warm water
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
1/2 cup butter, room temperature
2 eggs, room temperature and beaten
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup granulated sugar
5 cups flour
2 Tablespoons of yeast

Good Cinnamon filler stuff:

1 cup firmly-packed brown sugar
4 to 5 tablespoons ground cinnamon 

Icing:
2 oz of softened cream cheese
1/4 cup of softened butter
1/2 teaspoon of vanilla

1 cup of powdered sugar

Now, in my previous attempt, I had dumped all this Dough Stuff Ingredients in at once and turned my machine into this:

Yes, that is a spoon stuck in there. Don't ask.

Well, now that I was lucky enough to have a KitchenAid Mixer purchased for me during a bridal shower last year, this has never happened again. But I digress...

First things first, take out the eggs and butter so they can get to room temperature. Believe it or not, there is a difference between melted and softened butter. Just don't ask me to explain what that difference is. It would bring me back to that whole flawed logic of recipes that demand unsalted butter, but then you half to add salt to them.

Get your dry ingredients together and gently give them a stir to incorporate them. Next , in a separate bowl, take your eggs and give them a light beating. If your butter is still as hard as a rock, briefly nuke it til it is soft in the microwave. Microwave your milk until it is warm,, not scalding. If you pour super hot milk or water into eggs, you will get gross scrambled eggs in your rolls/cake. Not cool. Add remaining wet ingredients to the egg bowl and give them a little stir. Finally, mix everything together in your stand mixer. I recommend pouring wet into dry so flour doesn't fly all over the place. I don't know this from previous experience or anything...*no comments from the peanut gallery!*

Your dough will be slightly sticky, but mostly, it will want to stick to itself. Spread a couple tablespoons of oil on your counter top, and dump your dough blob onto it. Give it a good knead for 3-5 minutes, just squishing it into self. I don't know why this step is necessary, but it's fun to do just the same. In the end you will get this nice little ball that you may have noticed I posted like 15 days ago.

This post was intended to be finished by 11/14!!!

The next step is sprinkling a healthy portion of flour on your counter top so you can roll this bad boy into an approximately 2 foot by 1 foot, flat canvas. I have used a cup in the past, but I can't tell you awesome a rolling pin is for this task. It was like, they created those things just to roll out dough or something! Who'd a thunk it!

Rolling pins: Not just for whacking husbands anymore!

The dough is kind of elastic, so don't be afraid to keep coaxing it outward. If it tears, you can just ball it up and roll again. Just get it down to about a quarter of an inch in thickness.

Next, make up the Good Cinnamon Filler Stuff using the ingredients above. Brown sugar is the only baking item that I know of where you actually want to press it into the measuring cup until it is packed like a brick. So get to it and mix that stuff up in a bowl. If you have more butter lying around, you can brush the flattened dough with some to help the sugar stick. If not, it's no big deal. Once the filler is thoroughly mixed, you can spread it on your dough canvas. Don't be stingy.

Smelled so good at this point, you'll want to eat it now.
But don't or you'll get the runs! (raw eggs)

 Next is the most technical part of the whole operation. Pay attention Myrtle! You've got to roll this puppy up after just having smashed into flat submission. It will initially try to stay flat, once you get the roll started, it tends to behave. I like a lot of swirl in my roll, so I rolled the short side towards myself.

Don't worry about a little side spillage. You can always
scoop it up later and sprinkle it on top.

Now, some people say you shouldn't roll the dough too tight, or else your rolls may rise to mountain peaks when they bake. Those people can piss off! They are too Polly Perfect for me. I like the tight roll because you get a really distinctive swirl pattern. Some may get taller, but others don't. It's not the end of the freaking world.

Now that you have a swirled log of cinnamony goodness, you may notice some fat areas and thin areas. Run your hands along the log to try to get a more uniform shape. Tap the ends to squish them back to flat rounds.

Jon just saw this photo out of the corner of his eye and shouted,
"What are you posting!!!"

Now, you need a very sharp, serrated knife. Pay attention, Myrtle, this is important. A dull knife will tear the dough. A non-serrated knife will pinch it down and you will lose the swirl. Do the best you can with a sawing motion, cutting the log into 1" rounds.

Look at that awesome swirl!

 Once the rolls are cut, you will need to place them, not touching, on a greased jelly roll pan. Put them maybe 1" apart. They will need to rise an hour at this point. As they rise, they will move to touch each other, which is what you want.

Bake those bad boys at 350*F for 20 to 25 minutes. Your house will smell fantastic and you will get beautiful, beautiful rolls that look something in the neighborhood of this:

So beautiful, I almost cried.

You can go ahead and make the cream cheese icing to pour over these beauties. Or, you can continue to stare in wonder. Eat and enjoy.

And, that, my friends, is the answer to the mystery of the dough blob.

Mystery Dough & Other Challenges

Any guesses about what I am going to be?

My Number 1 Seller and Other Wordlessness

Thank's 3rd Avenue Photography!

Solving First World Problems & Other Things I Have Been Working On

The cluttered state of my fridge and tiny cupboard were driving me crazy I decided to do a redo on each of them. This kind of brings me back to my Food Budget Series. I had so much stuff cluttered up in both places, that I was having to throw away stuff that went bad (because it was hidden in the back and went bad) or compile doubles and sometimes triples of some products. What a waste of money! A fridge reset doesn't have to take forever and waste a lot of electricity. It can be knocked out in 20 minutes with the right attitude and plan.

Getting Started on a Fridge Reset

• Before you even start pulling things out, think about how you utilize your fridge, and determine if anything is not working for you.
• For example, my cakes usually take up a lot of space on a shelf, but I'm always having to juggle the cake while moving the milk, and scooting over last night's leftovers. Not to mention that sometimes it was too close for comfort to the shelf above it and I risked nicking the top layer of taller cakes. That meant when I started my fridge redo, I kept in mind that I need to change my shelf spacing so that my jug of milk and pitchers of juice could easily fit a shelf, but so could my tall cakes, while my left overs were now to be delegated to the "short" middles shelf that shares the dairy drawer.
• Mise en place
• What? I thought that was only for cooking? Think again. Having everything ready to go and by your side when you start your clean will make the reset faster, wasting less energy. Here is what you will most likely need:
• Trash can with a thick bag, or several smaller bags to throw out bad food.
• Clorox wipes or some other cleaner that you like with plenty of rags or paper towels.
• Cooler for temporarily housing your goods while you clean.
• A variety of plastic storage containers and spoons for transfer of foods. (More on this later.)
• A towel for quick clean up of spills, and to kneel on while you are doing bottom layers of the fridge.
• Permanent marker.
• Empty your sink, because you will be filling it with dirty containers, most likely.
• Ready, set, go!
• Start with the freezer, dump your ice tray and gel ice packs into the cooler. Shut the lid on the cooler, and go quickly wash and dry ice tray. Set aside.
• Go back the freezer, open the lid on the cooler. Open your freezer and throw anything salvageable in the cooler. Anything freezer burned, bad, or fits into the category of "we will never eat this", toss in the trash. Don't stew over decisions. Be decisive. If it takes you more than 30 seconds to decide whether or not your family will ever eat a product, toss it. Once the freezer is completely empty, wipe down the racks and door with your wipes. If the rack/ drawer needs lots of attention (i.e. a popscile melted, pooled and refroze in the bottom, pull the whole thing out and shut the freezer and cooler doors until you get it cleaned out. Once the freezer is cleaned, shut the door until further notice.
• Next open your fridge door and start again with the sorting of foods into the cooler or into the trash. Once the fridge is empty, close the lid on the cooler.
• Pull out all the fridge shelves and wipe the back of the fridge with a disinfecting cleaning cloth. Same with the door shelves, drawers, shelves.
• Next, think back to your plan? Were the racks at the right level for your needs? Put the shelves back in to accommodate your needs. Shut the fridge door as it should now be squeaky clean! Good work, half way done.
• Repack foods into more appropriately sized containers.
• A major problem in our house is that we grab the first Tupperware we can find and package or food in it, regardless of size. We lost a lot of shelf space and viewing capabilities because of this. Check it out.



Three containers removed! Once 2 giant container for peanut butter cup filling reduced to a flat plastic bag.
What once was a giant container of blue icing that got used little by little, now it fits in the tiny take out container.

• Use your maker to mark items as "USE FIRST!"
• Have two open containers of mayo, BBQ sauce, milk, etc? Compile them into one jar if possible. If you can't compile them into one jar, say because they are two different flavors of BBQ sauce, take your marker and mark one in big letters that say USE ME FIRST! This should be the one that is closer to being empty, or will expire first. Make use your family understands and follows your directive. Plan meals that will utilize those last squeezes of that ketchup, or will help you use up that cup of BBQ sauce for this week. If the marker won't write on the container, you can use a patch of duct tape.
• Replace the remaining food from your fridge with purpose, mentally noting what needs to be used right away, and putting items in more appropriately places to fit your needs.
• Lunch meat getting a bit old? Subs for lunch. Milk about to go bad? Cereal for breakfast. Lettuce starting to wilt? Salad as a side with dinner. Ten packages of ground beef? Put two or three in the fridge to thaw for a large pot of chili that can made and frozen for later meals.
• Kids always standing in front of the fridge for 5 minutes trying to find a snack or juice box? Put all the snacks in a drawer or a plastic bin so they can pull it out, grab it, and go.
• Empty cooler and wipe down the other part of the fridge with a disinfecting cloth.
• Your done!

Solving First World Problems Part II: Pantry Redo

So yesterday we tackled the fridge, today let's tackle the pantry. This time I was smart enough to do a before and after. So let's take a closer look.



It may be hard to tell the improvements, but I gained an entire shelf, plus you can
see the floor on the bottom. I'll give you a break down.

Getting Started on a Pantry Redo

• Things you will need:
• Trash can for tossing expired or bad food.
• A box for food that you are going to take to a food pantry or shelter
• Pen and paper
• A basket or infrequently used container.
• Cleaning cloths to wipe up any spills.
• Marker
• Pull out everything from the shelves, sorting into trash, donate, and keep. Be decisive, longer than thirty seconds to decide on an item means it needs to be tossed or donated.
• Once all the food is out, do a quick wipe down of the shelves with your cleaning cloth.
• Inventory
• With your pen and paper, make a quick inventory of what you are going to put back in the pantry, this will come in handy when you are planning meals. Plan on using anything that is close to expiration right away, same move if you way too much of something. (I found 4 cans of corn and 4 jars of pasta sauce. Spaghetti for dinner tonight!) Tape the inventory to the inside of the pantry door and mark things off as you use them. That way you won't overbuy again.
• Put snack foods into a basket or infrequently used container.
• I found a Corningware container that I never used and I emptied all those boxes of granola bars, popcorn, beef jerky, etc., into that container. No more digging, all the snack food is in an easy to identify location. Bulky boxes are in the trash and not cluttering up my shelf. I also took a 3/4 eaten jar of peanuts that was hidden in back and emptied it into a zipper bag.  They will be eaten quickly like this! This is also a great idea for chips. We buy the large bag that had 4 or 5 varieties. I emptied it into a basket of its own.

All snacks live here.

• Compile anything that you can.
• Have two open peanut butters, boxes of pasta, or oil? Try to compile them. If you can't because they are different varieties (crunchy and smooth PB?) mark the one that is closest to being finished or expiration with the marker: EAT THIS FIRST! Make sure the family understands and follows your directives.
• Compiled, now what?
• Look around about what you have left. Put infrequently used or seasonal items in the upper shelves that are harder to reach. It's getting close to Thanksgiving, so you might want to leave down the pumpkin pie filling left over from last year, as well as that hot cocoa. Put anything summery away at the top if you are going to keep it. (Maybe blueberry or strawberry fillings, or sun teas).
• Bulk items fit nicely here, too. Jon got a steal on a carton of paper towels. I got a bargain on a large container of vegetable oil. I took my smaller (easier to handle container of oil, poured the bulk oil in it to the top, the banished the giant container to the back, top of the pantry.  (top left shelf of after picture)
• Put gravy packets, chili/ taco seasoning packets, drink mixes, etc in a basket for easy identifying. I also put spices that I had double or triple of here with a note on the front of the container to check here before buying more spices. (top left in after picture)
• Replace the food at levels according to your needs.
• Snacks and grab-and-go foods should be at a kid's eye level if you have children.
• Frequently used goods should be at eye level with labels turned out for quick identification.
• Infrequently used items go close to ceiling or floor.
• Finally, if you have a bunch of shopping bags, put them all into 1 bag. If that bag gets too full, toss out what's left over because that is just too many bags. Check out the bottom of my before after to see what a difference that made.
• Good work! Take out the trash & drive the food to the food bank and you're done!