Another Cake Coming Down The Pipe

Tomorrow is my GRE Exam and I am nervous as hell. I have been studying like a mad woman and cursing profusely over Facebook about my lack of progress in math. Keep my in your thoughts Saturday and wish me luck. After the test, I will probably start reading this book:

In other news, a new cake has been pseudo-commissioned. Jon's friend is having a birthday Saturday, and Jon and I thought we'd bring a cake in leau of a gift. I know that sounds cheap, but these cakes are starting to cost a lot! I never realized the cost of supplies alone, even if the 4-6 hours of labor are free. Besides, the party is at a bowling alley, and we wouldn't want someone to constantly be having to watch gifts so they didn't disappear. So...

A little about our birthday boy. He is a bit of a restaurateur and wine aficionado of sorts. He likes golf, country music, and Johnny Walker Scotch. After debating a little last night, Jon and I think that a Johnny Walker style cake would achieve the biggest reaction.

Jon, surprisingly, dove off the deep in with ideas of making a whiskey bottle shaped cake with labels and what not in fondant. My eyes were as big as saucers because this is completely out of character. Also, because I SUCK at lettering, this is waaaay beyond the scope of reality.



My husband is suffering from delusions of grandeur.

 I had a much simpler cake in mind, but I don't want to post my template just yet in case this somehow floats around the interweb for Brandon to get a looksie. Don't want to spoil the surprise after all. Just know it will 99% likely be in a standard cake shape. No more spoilers.

I found a a cake supply place down the road from my office. Thank God, because those hobby stores are very limited. I am going to run over at lunch and possibly purchase colored fondant(!), dyes, and possibly some metallic dusting. If I haven't blown my entire pay check by that point, I may buy some sprinkles. Oh who am I fooling? I'll probably go hog wild. Don't tell Jon.

Also, there is a new feature to the blog. I have added a wish list to the side bar. If you are feeling ever so generous, you can purchase items through Amazon.com and have them sent to me. You know I will squee of course, but I will do everything in my power to thank donors profusely. Thanks again just for reading.

A Foodie Stumble Through Washington, D.C.

For those of you who live under a rock and could not guess where I was from the out of focus  obviously professionally shot photo of me in the mysterious, Plexi-glassed kitchen, I was in the Smithsonian standing in front of Julia Child's Kitchen....and I was squeeing myself.

Julia's Kitchen for those of you who cannot make it there; here is a higher quality slightly more professional photo tour of its awesomeness.

What was I doing in Washington D.C. you ask? Lobbying for better food labeling, food handling/processing, or clearer marking of genetically modified foods? Sadly no. Instead, I was learning about a doctoral program, seeing the campus, and generally trying not make a fool of myself with the folks that will be deciding what I do for the next 5 years of my life. While Jon and I were there, we decided to take in some sights as well.

The last time I went to D.C. I was not the bumbling fool well-versed culinary genius standing before you today...no wait...that's a lie. I was exactly the same. I just didn't know that I would fall ass-backward into blogging about it at that time. That's why I was not so keen on visiting the kitchen over say...the memorials the last time I was there.

This year, I had exactly 2 things that I wanted to see: Julia Child's Kitchen, and the Jaleo Restaurant. Jaleo was a restaurant I first heard about while watching Iron Chef. Jaleo's Executive Chef, Jose Andres, smacked down my future baby's daddy (and apparent upstairs neighbor), Bobby Flay, during battle goat. When I heard that Andres' restaurant was in D.C., I just had to go. I don't travel to New York or Las Vegas (where Flay and many other challengers have a lot of their restaurants) so I feel like this was one of the few opportunities I would have to eat at Iron Chef quality establishment. More on that later.

This moment is for Julia...

It's too bad it's behind greasy, smudged Plexi-glass.

Me: "How's the picture look?"  Jon: "Great! Totally in focus and everything!"

Notice the clock says 12:20. It is always lunch time in Julia's kitchen.

 Every pot has a purpose.

There were quite literally a MILLION people in there trying to see it. I didn't realize that so many people were interested in seeing her kitchen. Getting these three pictures with no one else in them was enough to get about 1,000 piss-faced, hurry-up scowls. That's okay though. This was my moment with Julia. The first thing that struck me was the color of cabinets; Tiffany Blue. My wedding was in Tiffany Blue, the hovel is decorated in Tiffany Blue, I am at one with Tiffany Blue.

Tiffany Blue is the worst color to try to match for weddings, just fyi. If you are a perfectionist bride, choose another color for the love of God or you will be bald from stress and broke because you practically have to custom dye everything.

The next thing that struck me was how low the stove was. She had the cabinets raised because she was exceptionally tall for a woman. If you do the flash tour linked above, you will notice that it appears a good four inches or so lower than her cabinets. That may not seem like much, but if you are constantly bent over like that, you are going to throw out your back. Here's a picture of it, but it doesn't quite capture the disparity in height. Perhaps that why she had a stool perched there on the other side. So she could sit while she fussed over pots.

 (C) Jeff Kubina

Of course, this range was an incredible improvement over her earlier stoves, like the one seen here.

Another thing that struck me, which I guess it shouldn't have being that I was in a museum and all, was how well used everything appeared. The pots and pans were battered and scorched, jars were full with peeling labels, utensil handles were bent. It reminded me of walking into my grandmother's kitchen as a child. It just goes to show you how blinded by media perceptions we (meaning I) really are. When you watch cooking shows on TV you see nothing but brilliant counters with shiny pots, pans, and appliances. See Exhibits A, B, and C below.

Still too exited to be talking about radishes, Rach.       Image (C) CelebPulp

Chef Anne, I hate to categorize you in the same universe with R.R., but when you say, "big meat" you scare me a little and make me think dirty thoughts. I hope this does not affect our potential future BFF-ness  (Image probably (c) of Food Network)

The Anti-Christ. No explanation required. Image found here.

Another thing that surprised me is how cluttered and random the kitchen appeared. Again, I shouldn't be because Julia actually lived and cooked in that kitchen, putting things in places that were convenient for her regular use. Not like today's TV chefs that have everything symmetrical and neatly stacked/contained. (Review the above if you don't believe me).

Julia really loved knives, but she did not own a knife block. I thought that was interesting. She instead chose to have her knives within easy reach on a magnetic strip. Julia Child was, in fact, childless. Good thing though, so she did not have to worry about any emo neighbor kids getting ahold of her knife collection. Just an interesting observation.

Go cry somewhere else emo kid.

One thing she thought every cook should have was a mortar and pestle. Don't ask me why. I'd probably just end up dropping it on my foot or something, but here is hers.

"An Essential Kitchen Tool"

Another, more surprising, component of the exhibit talked about how Julia didn't start cooking until later in life. And, like myself, she was not always successful. I think it was quintessential Julia to want to teach others and show that she had lots of obstacles to overcome to achieve what she did. It makes one feel almost as if she were your friend instead of some soulless celebrity cook. 

I am not alone.

What touched me the most about the exhibit was the obvious love between Julia and Paul. It was thick in the air like a peppered, white gravy. So much love passed in that kitchen, and as you can read from the picture above, she admitted that there would be no "French Chef" without her beloved Paul. I would not be "The Project" without my beloved Jon, either.

It was a great experience and I found myself welling up with tears as we walked out. The exhibit moved me, and I can't tell you why. It was like being at a celebration of life for a recently departed friend. It's exactly the same way I felt when I watched the end of Julie and Julia, the movie. You see the Smithsonian kitchen kind of fade into the the actual kitchen, with Julia cooking away and Paul coming in with a package that turns out to be Julia's first published cookbook. Julia has changed the lives and inspired many servantless, American cooks like myself. I was just lucky enough to see a small glimpse into her every day life.

Thank you Julia, for everything.

Back from the dead (or from the Wedding)

Hello sad sad readers who enjoy posts of kitchen mayhem. I am back from the brink of wedding insanity. I'm a little thinner (20 lbs to be exact!), and a little (read  A LOT) worse for wear. I am now also Mrs. V. If you know the story of why this blog was started, please know that all has come to pass according to luck and divine mercy/intervention. No, I have not learned to make the world's most divine Czech Kolache, but I have gotten kudos from Jon for a "solid B effort". (Which I just discovered was posted exactly 1 year earlier than our wedding date). And because J has such low low standards, he has settled and taken me for his wife. On a side note, the "Solid B Effort Kolache" and other Kolache tales made it into the Matron of Honor's speech. Ha!

Now let's get down to business.

The wedding cake was not as tasty, nor did it turn out exactly as I hoped. It was still more delicious than any other wedding cake I have ever tasted and was beautiful enough to fool the masses. Even the staff at the cake place were eager to see how it came out. Here is you some food porn:

Me to Cake Place: "Like Martha Stewart's version but with white birds and turquoise wind blowing the flock up the side of the cake



Somehow the birds are now flat to the cake. Not much flying.

Thanks to some very generous friends and family, I have a pretty awesomely stocked kitchen. I was lucky enough to get an awesome stand mixer, bread machine, gourmet cooking pots, and Wustof knives from Williams Sonoma. I got drawers full of misc. gadgets to play with. Much cooking-related joy abounds.

On the other hand, my kitchen, though large for an apartment, is rather ghetto. I know that the electric stove works, but the oven is another story. I have yet to bake anything in it since coming home from the honeymoon. My dishwasher is crap, it is literally being held together with trash bag twist ties right now (ties implemented by the previous tenant I might add). The top shelf threatens to fall any moment. I know I should have the landlord come do something about it, but I just can't handle one more thing on my "to-do" list.

Tonight starts the official "We are saving money by cooking at home" post-wedding challenge. The goal: Pay off 3 loans (student, car, wedding/honeymoon) in 1 year. I am to cook 5 days a week, Jonathan is to cover 1. He has agreed to do the bulk of other chores to even the work load. We wasted a lot of food pre-wedding during our "courtship" time or what not, so we have decided that each week we sit down and plan the following week's menu and shop for those ingredients only instead of having random supplies. This week was $60. I know that is a lot for a week's worth of groceries, but we had to buy a lot of staples (ketchup, mustard, toothpaste, toiletries) because we have been out of the country 3 weeks, and we used/did without all of this stuff pre-wedding so it wouldn't spoil while we were gone. So we now have milk, bread, eggs, flour, meat, and a variety of veggies.

I have started recording the Food Network's "America's Worst Cooks" and am watching and trying to learn as much as possible. I thought I was bad until I've seen some of these folks. I'm thinking about applying to be on the show nonetheless. We'll see how that goes. Williams Sonoma also has cooking technique classes for free throughout the month, so I am thinking about crashing some of those as well.

Until then, may your meals fill your belly without leveling your kitchen. Here are some wedding and food related escapades from our honeymoon in New Zealand. More to come later. Enjoy.


Mr. and Mrs. Jon V



Nom noms left for us at our honeymoon suite!



Ribs!!!

Tui Beer and Apple Cider

Weddings Make Women Lose Their Minds...

I recently had my first bridal shower, and let me just say, "It is official, I have lost my mind." I got the bright idea to let everyone else handle the food for the shower except the little mini fondant cakes I wanted to make. Well, naturally it turned out a huge mess that went down something like this:

T'was the Night before the shower and all through the kitchen
women were cursing, and screamin' and bitchin'!

Mom lost the fondant cookie cutters, and my bright idea to use cutters to make little round cakes didn't pan out. The cut-outs just crumbled into little pieces everywhere. My aunts, who were hosting the shower, were ready to give up and buy store bought cakes. I could not bring myself to give up though, so I made a plea to start over making cupcakes instead. We tossed out the two, crumbled cake-messes that we had attempted to turn into something cute and respectable, and dashed off to the store for cupcake holder thingys. Well, my mom did because she was so upset about losing the fondant cutters that she needed to clear her head.

I, on the other hand, set about to rolling and cutting out fondant circles in preparation for later. So, after a few more hours of baking, we had some cute, little fondant-covered cupcakes. Mom went out and bought more little cutters, but we failed to get pictures with all the cute designs because we had 40 cupcakes to go. So basically you see the base coat here:

I somehow managed to get fondant all over my feet. Don't ask me how.

Because I was sucha horse's ass about having these things meticulously perfect, my lovely aunts went about other pressing duties...

Aunt Loyce, finger sandwich extraordinaire! (and Official Butt Swatter. Apparently I tried to help too much.)

Acting as sous chef, housekeeping, and family matriarch was Aunt Pat.

Official title: Watermelon Fruit Bowl Maker

Between the four of us arguing for an hour, we finally decided on my Grandmother's buffet as the official tea holding location. (The theme was a tea party.)

Me and Mum share a spot of tea.

Then the party started, it was craziness. The cupcakes and sandwiches were hoowarfed down in no time because 31 of the 37 people invited showed up. Let me just say that this was NOT AT ALL EXPECTED because:

a.) I'm a horse's ass and a bad friend. So naturally, I didn't expect that many people to come. What a surprise this was:

That's not all of it either, there are packages behind me as well.

I also had an incredible game planner. She took tired, old shower games and breathed new life into them. They were hilarious and fun for all!

Glee fanatic, Gingerific gal-pal Samantha (Matron of Honor Extraordinaire!)

Here is a picture of one of her games, where people had to memorize what was on my apron and try to remember when I left the room. The person who remembered the most wins. Knowing that I love to cook, she made everything cooking related, and bird-themed, like the wedding. Truly awesome!

Fabulous!

There was the inevitable opening of gifts, in which I tried hard to make it interesting so people didn't get bored out of their minds. There was the bow incident...

A near disaster with Jon's mother grew concerned when I mentioned that he and I had to argue about registering for some towels. I had said that I knew standard towels wouldn't fit around him because he is such a big guy.  Side Note:  He wanted to register for one towel for each of us, and ones that were so small that it wouldn't go around him. I insisted on "bath sheets" and added a few more to the registry behind his back. Seeing Jon's mother's uneasiness my mom calls out, "How do you know a regular towel won't fit around him..."

 Thanks Mom for calling me out. (Sam saved the day: "Ummm, hello! THE POOL!")

I was totally embarrassed and tried to hide in said bath sheet.

 So other than that, all went well. When the boys started sneaking around for a sandwich, they found all the food gone and had to fend for themselves. I got a kitchen full or neato gadgets that I am itching to try out. I am thinking up my next challenge as I type...something involving using every new gadget I just got and chronicling its use here. Whew what a day! I couldn't have imagined a more perfect shower. It was beautiful, I felt beautiful. I felt so loved by all the special women in my life.

Cakes Actually Worth Eating...

Now that wedding planning is in full swing, things are moving a long at a haphazard pace. Recently, Jon and I went to a cake tasting. In my mind, wedding cakes were more there for looks, not for the taste. Kind of a "last resort" if the guests hated everything about the meal, party, and overall felt resentful about the fact that they had to listen to someone's drunken cousin, Shelia, boohoo through a crappy "poem" that she had written for the occasion.

Please excuse my preconceived notions, but I thought wedding cakes were either some derivative of white or chocolate. Sometimes an odd flavor that no one really eats (like pistachio) sneaks into the mix because some bonehead couple ordered it because they wanted their wedding to be "unique". Bad move. Nothing like $1500 worth of cake sitting on the table because it is green, and tastes like sweet-nutty insulation.

Wedding cakes, in my mind, are overly sweet with a nasty after-taste. To me it is almost alcoholly, if that is even a word. If it is not the alcoholly taste, it's aspartame. The "better" of the cakes I have had throughout the many weddings I have been dragged to have lacked the after taste, but had the texture of sugared insulation. I had never met a wedding cake that I just thought was worth the hefty price of anything that has the word "wedding" in front of it. Any cake that did taste great did not look like a wedding cake.

Here drags in Jon's mother, who SWEARS she had the best wedding cake ever and that we should have one like his parents had. However, his parents really didn't have a wedding cake. They had 12 different flavored, regular cakes on cake stands connected with those atrocious bridges that you see in the all the weddings in the 1970's. The thing took up an 8 foot folding table. It was an eye sore with tulle and kinds of gaudy fluff. I am sure my future child's spouse will feel the same way about my wedding cake (because it will be an actual wedding cake, not 12 different flavored cakes with white icing posing a wedding cake). However, that is yet to be know. That being said, Jon's mom gets a big FAIL on the true wedding cake rating system.

So you might have noticed, despite my attempts to edit and correct, that there are some tense shifts in my writing in some places. Try as I might there will be at least one that sneaks in. This is because what you read above refers to how I previously felt. I now feel different. Here's why:

We went to a tasting at a place call Cakes By Gina. The only reason I had given her cakes a second glance is because I found a similar image of the one below with white and monarch butterflies that I fell in love with, and Gina had something similar that I thought could be adapted. You see, thinking that flavor was out, I was going for at least beautiful.

Martha Stewart's Over the Top Version

(Is there even a cake under there?)

Similar to Gina's verison

I was torn about the butterflies though. You see, we are getting married in December. Not many butterflies in the winter, and they really wouldn't really jive with that winter wonderland theme we were trying to work. Maybe snowflakes instead. But then I thought about it, and finally settled on birds. Jonathan and I are both outdoorsy. So instead of the cascade of butterflies, a flock of birds.

Again with the digressions, sheesh. So anyway, we get there and learn that Gina does torte-style cakes. I did not realize what that meant. Apparently, it means that there is a layer of cake, a layer of flavoring of some kind, followed by more cake, then icing. Sounded cool. So we order a few flavors and a few of the filling options. I take a bite...

The cake was the best cake I have EVER tasted. Light, moist, not overly sweet. Turns out Gina uses something like 30% less sugar than a traditional recipe calls for so that the actual flavor of the cake comes out. Fancy that. The first bite was traditional white with a vanilla butter cream. Decadent, delicious. Not to be outdone...except by the chocolate cake with the chocolate butter cream filling. I'm drooling just thinking about it. I think we tried 6 different cakes and 4 different fillings.

Then I got depressed. You see, we aren't having a groom's cake because Jon is having his relatives each bake some traditional culturally-relevant dessert, including, but not limited to the elusive kolache. Therefore, I thought we were going to be stuck with one flavor and have to duke it out. You see, Jon is an over-opinionated groom who actually has ideas about what he wants. This has already caused havoc in other departments, but again, I digress. Then I was informed of the following: Gina allows you to have each tier a different flavor at no additional charge. Wha What?! So, here's how it is going down.

Jonathan and Andrea Vacek's Wedding Cake

Shape: Round

Color: White with aqua swirling "damask-like" scroll pattern.

Number of tiers: 6
Theme: Flock of 2D birds similar to this flying in a flock up the side as if on the aqua wind.

Icing: Butter cream with gum paste birds

Flavors!: (Starting from the bottom tier up)

Tier 1: Traditional Bridal white with a vanilla butter cream filling

Tier 2: Chocolate with a chocolate butter cream filling

Tier 3 (Quintessential Jon and Andrea): Chocolate cake with a peanut butter, butter cream filling

Tier 4: Italian Cream Cake with a Cream Cheese filling

Tier 5: Traditional Bridal White with a Bavarian Cream filling.

I may have to stop back by Gina's place to have another tasting just to "make sure" I made the right choice. LOL. Here is a picture of how it eventually turned out.

If you like what you see, please Follow Me for more recipes and cooking related antics.