Kolache Intimidation, Contemplation, and Other Technical Difficulties

Back in the late 1970's and early 1980's,  James Prochaska and Carlo DiClemente developed The Stages of Change Model as a way to describe the process smokers go through in trying to quit. Why do I bring this up? While working to improve the blog for you guys, I made a realization: It has been over a year since I have attempted to make a batch of kolaches. A year since I have attempted to master what this blog's name was all about. It got me thinking. Why have I not tried to make these in so long? I have all these new gadgets to help, 3 pages of notes from my kolache lesson with a little old Czech lady, what am I missing? This is what has turned me back around to these stages of change. Many of you have probably heard of these stages, but here is a quick brief for the rest of you, and how they fit in relation to my problem behavior of avoiding making kolaches.

Stage I: Precontemplation (Not yet acknowledging that there is a problem behavior that needs to be changed.)

• "Kolaches?! Who wants those things? No one. So what if I don't make them, get off my back, will ya?"

Stage 2: Contemplation (Acknowledging that there is a problem but not yet ready or sure of wanting to make a change.)

• "Okay, so it's been a year since I've baked them, but you know, I'm busy and tired. I mean, we can always get them from the store when we visit Jon's parents if we needed some anyway."

Stage 3: Preparation/Determination (Getting ready to change)

• "I think I really need to make some kolaches, lest I forget everything I learned during Kolache lesson 101....over a YEAR AGO!!! Holy Fishsticks, it's been that long!?!!

Stage 4: Action/Willpower (Changing the behavior)

• I am going to make some kolaches! This very weekend!

Stage 5: Maintenance (Maintaining the behavior change)

• Big family get together coming up! Time to make more kolaches!

Stage 6: Relapse (Returning to older behaviors and abandoning the new changes)

• Screw this, I'm not baking anymore. Ever.

Now not everyone relapses, some people relapse and then re-enter the cycle. As far as I can tell, I'm sitting between Contemplation and Preparation, and here's why.

Kolaches are...well...my nemesis. They are not merely a pastry that can be whipped up in a batch of a dozen or so. They are usually made in batches of 6-10 dozen at a time. They are a labor of love that take an entire day of coddling to make perfectly. It is exhausting and your back is killing you by the time you are done making them. You also need a giant bowl to make them in, and I am concerned that I still don't own a bowl big enough to contain all the dough. Okay, you're right, I'm still making excuses. I have just had so many fails when it comes to kolaches that I don't know if I can stomach one more.

And let me tell you another thing, the good bakers don't write their recipes down. When I went to the Kolache Master's house, she told me to use 10 sifters full of flour. Not cups, no units, not spoonfuls. A sifter full is not a unit of measurement. Why 10 sifters full of flour? Because that was just how many would fit into her stand mixer. Well, what if my stand mixer is not as big as hers? Then what? The whole mess will be off then and I'd have another disaster on my hands like this, this, this, and let's not forget this.

Will I ever get this right?

I can't even get photograph them properly!

... *sigh* ...

What would Julia think if she heard this? She would be abhorred. "You have to be fearless!!!" she would chirp. She's right, you know. I could spend the rest of life being afraid of these things, or I could say, "What the hell!" and keep on trying. I'm still wavering between Contemplation and Preparation, but now I'm making plans to go purchase what I need: 10 lbs. of flour, 4 dozen eggs, a gallon of cream and 45 lbs of butter. Maybe if I can find my balls tomorrow I will get started, long as I am up by 4 a.m., I should have enough time to finish. Wish me luck.

Sunday Suppers: Homemade Veggie Broth to Chicken Noodle Soup

A recent gift of homemade chicken broth got me thinking about how to make my own stock at home. I go through so much stock nowadays because of all these high-falutin' recipes that it is becoming rediculous to spend that much money on a can/box of stock. I thought the easist broth to make would probably be vegetable, plus it would clean out all those random veggies that were racing sneaking towards going bad. There, how's is that for being green and not wasting money?

I found a simple recipe that basically says take any aeromatic veggie, chop into 1 inch chunks, and boil with some spices for about 30 minutes. They listed a variety of vegetables you could include, but here is how I rolled:

4-5 ribbs of celery with some leaves
1 large onion
3 large carrots
5-6 cloves of minced garlic
Hefty sprinkle of thyme and parsley
2 bay leaves
a good pinch of salt

Nom

Some other veggies you may consider including: Green onions, mushrooms, potato peels (washed of course), bell peppers, chard, pea pods, basil, fennel, eggplant, corn cobs, asparagus butts, you name it.

First thing you got to do, aside from cutting your washed veg into 1" chunks, is throw about a tablespoon of olive oil in the bottom of  a soup pot and heat to high. Then, throw in your 1" chopped veggies. Enjoy how aeromatic your house is about to smell. I seriously dragged Jon off the couch while he was The Sweet 16 to come and smell. I was in foodie heaven. If Julia Child's house had a smell, it probably smelled like this...and butter.

Moving on.

Let your veg weep (let go of water) for 5 to 10 minutes. Stir frequently lest you have a charred flavor to your broth. Add 2 quarts of water and then BTB-RTS as Chef Anne would say. (Bring To Boil - Reduce To Simmer). Simmer for 30 minutes uncovered. This is how it will start to look

Om Nom

The next step is to seive out the solids and take only the liquid bits.

"taking the liquid bits"

Then, you are left with all the veggie mush. The broth recipe said to discard the remaining veg stuff. I thought that was a lot of hooha. What a waste. I sat around and thought about what I could do with all that awesome veg, and EUREKA! I got an idea. All of that stuff goes into a chicken noodle soup, so that is what I made. Saved time and money.

Because we aren't big chunks of veggie eaters, I took about 3/4 of veggies and pulverized them in a food processor. That gave me a nice thick puree that fattened up the broth a little. I added some more water and some chopped up chicken breasts. Again, BTBRTS for about 30 minutes. Season to taste.

About 10 minutes before you are ready to serve, add some noodles. I, unfortuantely, added the noodles like 45 minutes ahead and they got a bit mushy. My bad, I was waiting on a loaf of bread to bake. Oh well, lesson learned. Not bad for a first try though.

Chicken Mush-Noodle Soup

Goo Versus Blender Versus Wooden Spoon

And the winner is....?