Birthday Cake and Other Plots

Last night, I whipped up a truly hideous cake for my co-worker's birthday. I had this huge scheme to make it a Friday the 13th cake, but I was so exhausted when I got home, I simply couldn't do much more than what you see here:


A cake only a kindergartner could love.

 One problem I have with fancy cake decorating is that I am so impatient. And too cheap to buy fancy tips that (supposedly) you don't really need. And shaky. I have zero motor control, I swear it is almost Parkinsonian. That's why I dropped out neurosurgery school...and don't hold other people's babies.

Anyways, I saw a tip on how to get nice(r) letters when writing on a cake that I gave a whirl, and it worked out pretty well for me. All you have to do is ice the cake in your background icing, then use a toothpick to write out what you want to say. Letter didn't turn our right? Smooth it over and start again until your happy, freakin' Polly Perfect.

Then, get the icing you wish to pipe on the words in and simply follow your toothpicked lines. Don't screw up now or you'll be screwed. The lines certainly helped, but because I have the fine motor skills of a baby monkey, the results weren't fantastic. Without the lines, I probably would have had something like this:

Or this

So now that this wreck is done, I have to start thinking of something to win the annual office cook off. Last year I got first place in cookies. I'm just kind of stumped this year. I have several factors against me: Less time, less patience, and most importantly, I have to drive 25 miles only to carry the damn thing 1/2 a mile from the parking garage and hope that it stays intact in 90 degree weather.

Part of me is feeling like I should blow it off. The other part of me knows that you guys just lust after my cooking debacles. Can y'all offer up any ideas? Oh, and please don't suggest that I should, "make whatever I am best at." Obviously, you are a new reader if you suggest that.