Here's how it went down.
Last night I was feeling a little low, and needed something constructive to do. I had accidentally left our bread machine at my mother's over Memorial Day weekend, and there has been no bread in the house ever since. Yea, I know, the horror. Shhhh it will all be okay. I had stumbled across a recipe for a no-knead bread several months ago, but those are always too good to be true.You usually end up with some kind of flat brick, or chewy grossness. So last night, I decided I would risk it and try the "No Knead Artisan Bread".
Here's what you need:
- 1/4 tsp active dry yeast
- 1 1/2 cups warm water
- 3 cups flour, plus more for dusting. You may use white, whole wheat, or a combination.
- 1 1/2 tsp salt
- A 6 or 8 QT Dutch Oven type pot (cast iron), ceramic, or a oven safe Pyrex dish with a lid.
- A non-terry cloth towel (flour sack towel) Where the heck you gonna find one of these? Amazon, Wal-mart, some old lady's kitchen. Mine came from Target, 4 for like a $1.50. (you could probably get away without using the towel, but I didn't risk it since I had one.)
*ahem, clear throat*....sorry about that. *straightening my apron*
So, just keep that in mind, plan appropriately. Start this bread at night before, go to bed, and cook it with dinner the next day.
Now don't flake out on me. I know you're thinking, "Oh God, I don't have time for that!" Yes you do, get your panties out of the wad and get back over here. I'm going to make it all okay. Chill out diva. You act like I let you down before.
...Okay, contain the snarky comments we are getting started...
Get your warm water and yeast in a large bowl, and mix it until it dissolves (your water will look cloudy brown). When I say warm, I don't mean scalding. Warm like milk for baby warm. Yeast is a living thing and if you plop down in scalding water, it will curse your name as it dies a painful, miserable death.
Afterward, toss in your salt and flour. You hopefully have a stand mixer stirring this up, if not, get your husband or eldest son to strong arm it into a sticky, thoroughly congealed mess. Scrape down the sides of the bowl and cover tightly with plastic wrap. Keep in a warm place and let it sit anywhere from 8 to 18 hours. Mine rested in the kitchen from like 4pm to about noon the next day. You can go out and drink the night away and not even worry about the bread until you have slept off your hangover.
When you drag home from partying all night, and your ready to move on, take a look down at your bowl of bread goo. It should look something like this.
|No, this is not vom|
|Turn out dough|
|Form into a ball like a boss.|
|Plop, but gently.|
|"I'm Doubled! Quit Poking Me!|
|Scooping and taking|
|Flopped it in there anyway.|
|I'm Betty Freakin' Crocker!|