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| Bring it you delightful confection...I'm ready. I'm going to need some moral support here people! Let me hear it! |
One woman's attempt to win her man's heart through his stomach with no cooking skills and a "What-the-Hell" attitude!
Showing posts with label mixer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mixer. Show all posts
Friday, June 10, 2011
Preparation...I've Moved Up a Stage
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Rotten Bananas: Take 2
We buy an awful lot of bananas around this joint, and dammit if they don't go bad before we get a chance to use them. I think I've Banana Breaded out everyone, so I thought perhaps a banana pudding would be a better way to go this time. I know it's almost foolishly simple to list how to make it here, but there are some people who cook so bad, they may need my assistance in getting it right. So, here we go.
Ingredients
1 box of instant vanilla pudding
2-4 medium sized bananas that are as spotty as a Las Vegas Grandma's forearms, chopped into small discs
1 box of Nilla Wafers Cookies
2 cups of cold milk
In a bowl, whisk together the instant pudding and the 2 cups of milk. It will soft set in about 3 to 5 minutes of whisking. When it soft sets, put it in the fridge to chill.
Next find you a good casserole dish or a large bowl to make make the final product in. You can get all Polly Perfect on it and make concentric circles of wafers and thin banana slices if you like. I, on the other hand, just made a bottom crust of cookies, the slapped a good mess of naners on top of those.
Then, you will need to add your chilled pudding. You can do a thin layer, then add some more bananas, wafers and more pudding. Or, you can just dump in your pudding like me. No appreciates your artistry here.
After that, you can add a nice layer of bananas and wafers to the top portion. I like to crumble a few for texture and prettiness. You don't have to. You can be all pirate's treasure on yours and trick your guests into thinking they are just eating plain pudding until they chomp into some mystery item. Is it banana, cookie, or toe nail? Only you will know the truth and you can giggle menacingly at their psychological torture. BWAHAHAHAHA!
Ingredients
1 box of instant vanilla pudding
2-4 medium sized bananas that are as spotty as a Las Vegas Grandma's forearms, chopped into small discs
1 box of Nilla Wafers Cookies
2 cups of cold milk
In a bowl, whisk together the instant pudding and the 2 cups of milk. It will soft set in about 3 to 5 minutes of whisking. When it soft sets, put it in the fridge to chill.
Next find you a good casserole dish or a large bowl to make make the final product in. You can get all Polly Perfect on it and make concentric circles of wafers and thin banana slices if you like. I, on the other hand, just made a bottom crust of cookies, the slapped a good mess of naners on top of those.
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| Fuck Polly Perfect |
After that, you can add a nice layer of bananas and wafers to the top portion. I like to crumble a few for texture and prettiness. You don't have to. You can be all pirate's treasure on yours and trick your guests into thinking they are just eating plain pudding until they chomp into some mystery item. Is it banana, cookie, or toe nail? Only you will know the truth and you can giggle menacingly at their psychological torture. BWAHAHAHAHA!
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| On Nom |
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Monday, March 29, 2010
Kolache Lesson 101...Finally
So sorry to be gone so long, a lot of things have been happening. The good news is, the long awaited face-to-face kolache lesson has FINALLY happened. No, not with Jon's gran but with a "kolache master" in the community.
I have spent the last 6 hours making 6 dozen kolaches. Sorta. More like hovering around when Ann (aka Kolache Master) was making them and getting underfoot like a preschooler. I took 3 pages of notes in order to not miss a single thing. That way, my first solo attempt post-lesson will not be a re-enactment of the circa 2007 incident. So behold, the ten things I learned for perfect kolaches:
The 10 Rules of Kolache Making:
1.) Beating the dough by hand is for suckers. Use a nice KitchenAid Mixer with a whisk and dough hook attachment.
2.) NEVER use water or evaporated milk when making dough. Ever. EVER! End of story.
3.) Be patient. So patient that by God you will complete a 5,000 piece jigsaw puzzle before the freakin' dough rises enough times to work with.
4.) Use free-range chicken eggs if you can get them. The yolks are bigger.
5.) Measuring is for wimps. Man up and use judgment. Three sifters full of flour is approximately 10 cups. You can go to hell Polly Perfect.
6.) Rise the dough in a crockery bowl. There is magic kolache dust in them for some reason and metal bowls just won't cut it. Heat the bowl up in hot water prior to putting in the dough.
7.) It really does make a difference if your melted butter is hot versus molten.
8.) Did I mention being so patient that watching the grass grow will seem like watching Olympic Speed Skating in comparison to watching the dough rise?
9.) Use unsalted butter, but add salt in the dough. Irony? Not sure. Confused? Definitely.
10.) When spooning the dough out of the bowl you almost have to cut it with the edge of the spoon. Rolling it out with a pin and using biscuit cutters is for lazy asses. If you are going to do something, do it right or take you bowl and go home.
So, I took part in this ordeal by forming and filling the kolaches. Unfortunately, due to some horrible downloading incident, the finished picture of all the beautiful kolaches was ruined. *weeping silently to self* However, I do have some "in the process" shots for you to enjoy. I am so sad I can not show you the rows upon rows of completed ones. Stupid computer. Such as waste. What an unjust universe...
I have spent the last 6 hours making 6 dozen kolaches. Sorta. More like hovering around when Ann (aka Kolache Master) was making them and getting underfoot like a preschooler. I took 3 pages of notes in order to not miss a single thing. That way, my first solo attempt post-lesson will not be a re-enactment of the circa 2007 incident. So behold, the ten things I learned for perfect kolaches:
The 10 Rules of Kolache Making:
1.) Beating the dough by hand is for suckers. Use a nice KitchenAid Mixer with a whisk and dough hook attachment.
2.) NEVER use water or evaporated milk when making dough. Ever. EVER! End of story.
3.) Be patient. So patient that by God you will complete a 5,000 piece jigsaw puzzle before the freakin' dough rises enough times to work with.
4.) Use free-range chicken eggs if you can get them. The yolks are bigger.
5.) Measuring is for wimps. Man up and use judgment. Three sifters full of flour is approximately 10 cups. You can go to hell Polly Perfect.
6.) Rise the dough in a crockery bowl. There is magic kolache dust in them for some reason and metal bowls just won't cut it. Heat the bowl up in hot water prior to putting in the dough.
7.) It really does make a difference if your melted butter is hot versus molten.
8.) Did I mention being so patient that watching the grass grow will seem like watching Olympic Speed Skating in comparison to watching the dough rise?
9.) Use unsalted butter, but add salt in the dough. Irony? Not sure. Confused? Definitely.
10.) When spooning the dough out of the bowl you almost have to cut it with the edge of the spoon. Rolling it out with a pin and using biscuit cutters is for lazy asses. If you are going to do something, do it right or take you bowl and go home.
So, I took part in this ordeal by forming and filling the kolaches. Unfortunately, due to some horrible downloading incident, the finished picture of all the beautiful kolaches was ruined. *weeping silently to self* However, I do have some "in the process" shots for you to enjoy. I am so sad I can not show you the rows upon rows of completed ones. Stupid computer. Such as waste. What an unjust universe...
Baby Kolaches before they grow up
Teen-aged kolaches ready for filling.
Beautiful Kolaches that are all grown up and camera shy. They are like the leprechauns or Loch Ness Monsters of the dessert world. Did you REALLY just see the most kick-ass kolache in the universe? Not sure. The photo of it and its kinsman was obscured by radical Czechoslovakian extremists who will not have their cooking secrets exposed. Damn you computer. DAMN YOU!!!!
If you like what you see, please Follow Me for more recipes and cooking related antics.
If you like what you see, please Follow Me for more recipes and cooking related antics.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
No Help From Others and Other Failed Missions
For awhile now, I have been trying to get Jon's grandmother to teach me what I am doing all wrong when it comes to making kolaches.
She seriously laughed out loud when she found out I was stirring everything by hand. "Use a mixer!" Okay, Grandma H, I'll do that.
Grandma H lives about 2 hours away. She says, "Call me when you want to learn." Well I have called, and called, and called. "Now's not a good time" is always her answer. There is never a good time. I swear his family has something against me.
"She has to prepare for it," Jon informs me, "She makes like 12 dozen at a time. It takes a lot of mental preparation, plus she has to go to the store."
I offered to buy everything in advance and bring it the 200 miles so that she doesn't have to go out. No luck.
"THE HELL WITH IT times two!!!!!!!
I decide to take another stab at it on my own. I gave the stand mixer a whirl, and I think I burned up the motor. The kolache dough climbed the mixing blades, embedding itself in the machine's plastic casing.
I guess I will have to register for a new one if Jon and I ever get engaged.
She seriously laughed out loud when she found out I was stirring everything by hand. "Use a mixer!" Okay, Grandma H, I'll do that.
Grandma H lives about 2 hours away. She says, "Call me when you want to learn." Well I have called, and called, and called. "Now's not a good time" is always her answer. There is never a good time. I swear his family has something against me.
"She has to prepare for it," Jon informs me, "She makes like 12 dozen at a time. It takes a lot of mental preparation, plus she has to go to the store."
I offered to buy everything in advance and bring it the 200 miles so that she doesn't have to go out. No luck.
"THE HELL WITH IT times two!!!!!!!
I decide to take another stab at it on my own. I gave the stand mixer a whirl, and I think I burned up the motor. The kolache dough climbed the mixing blades, embedding itself in the machine's plastic casing.
I guess I will have to register for a new one if Jon and I ever get engaged.
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