Christmas Parties and Other Cooking Fiascos

I have been to no less than 6 million Christmas parties in the past week. This brough a montage of culinary defeats. Although, I must say, parties are like the office when it comes to the dumping grounds of my latest defeat. In some ways this is good: you can peddle off almost anything on a drunk. There is also some bad: i.e. the drunk tells you how awful it is.

Thankfully, I did not experience this with the latest recipe to give me an "aspic" whoopin':
Marbled Chocolate Cookie Bark.

The recipe sounds impossibly easy: melt white chocolate, melt dark chocolate, break up 10 oreos, mix 1/2 in each flavor. Mix 2T of peanut butter in the white chocolate for some odd reason. Then pour on a cookie sheet and swirl with a knife. Easy enough right? Wrong.

White chocolate is my nemesis. Well, one of them aside from the kolache. I can never get that stuff to melt without burning and forming a crust.

The recipe says, "microwave in 30 second intervals, stir". Ummm... 30 seconds in my microwave = crusty caramelized white chocolate brick.

Maybe the oven would be better. It all started out alright, but I looked away for a nano second too long and BAM! Crusty. WTF!

I accidently microwaved the oreos with the chocolate. I burned the hell out of the oreos and stank up the entire kitchen. So, I said, "the hell with it" as I normally do and mixed everything together. What came out was a reasonably ok snack. Neato side effect was that the final product had a mocha-ish flavor. Most of the bark got eaten, but it took some peddling.

BREAKING NEWS:
Just got a text: "Did you take the candy home?"
I must have a fan!