When a Man Loves a Woman, and Other Blissful Wordlessness

*ooooh shiny*

Berry Storage and Other Conundrums...

Berry consumption is something new to me. We didn't have a lot of fruit growing up at my house. Mostly processed carb crap.

  

 "Fruit" at my house growing up. I don't blame my mother, she tried.

However, I have recently taken a liking to berries, and being that it is summer, I can actually get them in season.

The stolen "My Fit Food" diet calls for lots of berries and fruit. So I bought some to put in some Greek Yogurt they recommend. Here's the problem though...the berries will be bad tomorrow. They are ALWAYS bad tomorrow. What the heck happens? So before I lose $15 in strawberries, blackberries, and oh so delicious raspberries, I googled how to store them:

"Refrigerate unwashed berries in an uncovered container. Wash only directly before consuming." Okay...well I always used to wash them right away so that was error number 1 fixed. Now, the uncovered container...

No no, it's not that I don't  have a container that I can't leave uncovered, it is fear. Why fear you ask? While cleaning out the fridge tonight to put in my new groceries I saw, to my great vexation, gnats from the WTF incident of mid-May. How the hell they have managed to survive in my fridge after I tossed everything and bleached it out is beyond me. It is just sad really.

So in lieu of having gnats get into my berries I opted to cover them lightly with plastic wrap. We'll see how it goes. Have a berry-licious day.

Moocher...

I'm not going to lie, I hang out at The  Manor Falls Estate a lot because of many reasons. Yes, hanging out with buds is fun. Drinking waaaaay to much and cooking for my buds is great, too. But the truth of the matter is that I am a complete mooch. The Manor has access to tons of fine cookware by Calphalon  *drool* as well as the occasional popping up of nice cuts of meat, produce, and foreign foods.

Kail is the chief purveyor of the MFE. Jonathan and the Frenchie (aka Weefee) split the rent. However, Kail pretty much dictates over the menagerie that has become the Manor Falls Estate. What I love about my bud Kail, aka "Preston Underjaw" is that he lives by this motto: "I'll buy it if you cook it."  (Well, most of the time and as long as he doesn't have to hunt down too many odd ingredients.) So when I tell him I have the urge to cook, he usually dashes off to the store and buys a kitchen full of food.

Sunday, he got the hankering for kabobs. So while the boys were playing video game (boring!) I contented myself with making Kabobs. Now, what do we know about me and grocery stores? Of course, it started pouring down rain. So the grill was out. So I cut up these huge steaks and  hung them over a roasting pan in the oven. They turned out kind of plain despite my ardent attempts to flavor them with spices and roasted garlic. Oh well...at least they turned out medium well, and not chewy. They looked pretty, too.

Why I had to Grocery Shop in the Rain and Other Wordlessness

Dinner: "Premium" hotdogs, instant potatoes, 2 canned veggies. Deplorable...

The Grocery Store, the Rain, and Other Broken Records

I can't quite recall if I have ever mentioned this before, but every time I go to the grocery store...it rains. Seriously. They should take me to the Sahara to grocery shop so that it can change back to the green utopia it was in the ice age or whatever. So aside from getting my cardio workout via anger (i.e.high blood pressure) about the weather, I spent a good fortune at the store (not the poor people one) buying real food.

I have been neglecting you my poor bleaders and I feel guilty. My foodie blogroll count for this week: a big fat goose egg. Even the regulars have given up. *Sigh.*

So here is what's going down: Four days, four home cooked meals. The meals were inspired by a local weight loss joint called "My Fit Foods" who promises that everyone loses 8-12 lbs. on average if you eat by their guidelines. Cool, how much does it cost? Between $500 and $600 for 21 days worth of food. F that! I took a big pay cut to work at my new job, and $600 covers the student loan and car payment for a month. Geez.

So, I looked at the portion sizes they were selling...(which let's not kid ourselves, that is what they are really selling) and decided to attempt to copy their foods and portion sizes at home. Low Glycemic, high protein, low carb.

This week's menu (which Jon does not know about yet) will consist of the following dinner meals. He will be forced to able to choose from:

Mediterranean Pesto Chicken Wraps with Hummus.
Chicken Fajitas with Beans and Guacamole
Turkey Chili with Beans
Small Beef Tenderloins with Squash and Salad.
or
Turkey Spaghetti on Whole Wheat Pasta.

Be proud America, I have the fajitas, tenderloins, and Mediterranean chicken marinating as we speak. Of course, I had to clean out the fridge again. Greatest discovery: milk expired on 5/29. Happy dining.

Cooking Hiatus, a Sad Sad Event

The wedding is fast approaching for those of you paying attention and every spare moment has been devoted to trying on this, or ordering that, or choosing this, or depositing that. It is enough to drive someone mad. Now I know why people pay for wedding planners. I personally can't let go of the control, so I opted not to have one. (like I could afford one anyway. sheesh).

That being said, things like laundry, vacuuming, and grocery shopping have all fallen by the way side. I haven't been to a real grocery store since the last blog post. Seriously, there is no food in the house that is safe for human consumption. Every week I vow to go, but time always runs short, forcing me to decide between the poor people grocery store or waiting. You see, I kind of live in a food desert. Thank God my job has decent food at it or else I would probably be 900lbs. Jon works in a food desert over by Hobby Airport. It's no wonder we are both having problems with weight loss.

It really bothers me because I feel like I am spending way too much on going out and not providing something more wholesome for Jon and me to eat. It's depressing. What's worse is that I have yet to use my rosette irons either. *sad*

This weekend, Jon is heading to the deer lease and I am staying home. I don't get July 5th off for Independence Day, which sucks. So while everyone else is off galavanting at parties and eating hotdogs, I will be sitting at my office twiddling my thumbs. I will not be attending any parties to try out any awesome recipes. It's just crap. *rant*

This post really had a point at the start, but I have been so distracted that it has pretty much amounted to a bunch of rants. In the mean time, I will have to apologize and post some pictures when I get in.

Goo Versus Blender Versus Wooden Spoon

And the winner is....?

Minor Celebrity-dom and Other Joys

The office contest has come and gone. There were many goodies to choose from, some awesome, others...scary. I have to shake my fist at a coworker of mine. Most of us were bringing disposable containers for our foods for easy clean-up. You see, it's a 1/2 mile walk from the car to my office, minimum. This lady brings her cake on a pedestal, then procedes to adorn it with rasberries and powdered sugar. She was about to adorn it with a floral arrangement before she was chased back to work. *grumble* Naturally, she beat out my Tres Leches Cake (which, by the way, really needs some work). Her flourless chocolate cake was good, I'm just pissed I didn't think of plating. *fumes like a sore loser to self*

That being said, my macaroons turned out much better. They actually won 1st place in the cookie category. I couldn't freakin believe it! So there you have it, simple recipes can win out against those hoity-toity blanched almond ones. I won a lovely apron featuring art from my work's children's charity art project.

Oh so cute for getting goo on.

Aside from the awesomness of stomping out like 10 other cooks in the office, I got the joy of some minor fan-dom today. One of my coworkers came and asked for the recipe...much joy abounds. Hopefully she will be my newest bleader. We shall see.

How to Make Tres Leches Cake

Not so complicated...here are the ingredients:

1 white or yellow cake mix
Heavy Whipping Cream
Sweetened condensed Milk
Evaporated Milk
Toothopicks

(Plus the ingredients that the cake mix calls for.)

Follow this video for Tres Leches goodness.

The Easiest Recipes in the Universe. Sort of

Don't you hate it when someone says "Oh,_____ is so EASY to make!" Well, I do. It makes me feel like a complete moron after I screw it up. It seems like every recipe in the universe has an "easy" version. It is really quite irritating to a budding cook. Most of those recipes really aren't "easy", the just require fewer ingredients, or rely more heavily on processed or pre-fabbed components. Boo. Don't get me wrong, I am not so hard core as to take on a professional version (I saw one recipe calling for blanched almond slices!); however, I abhor the pretentiousness of those who call all their recipes "easy". So, in the spirit of not calling a recipe easy, I found a simplified Macaroon recipe that requires only 4 ingredients, but produces large delight. Behold, the macaroon...

All the above ingredients: 1 bag o' coconut flakes, 1 can condensed milk, vanilla, almond extract.

Non-imitation almond if you are hardcore. Imitation almond extract if you are cheap and cooking for the office.

You dump the coconut (which is neither cocoa or a nut, but I digress) into a large bowl, pour in the can of sweetened milk. Then add 2 teaspoons of vanilla extract. Then, VERY carefully measure out 1 1/2 teaspoons of almond extract. OR, if you are like me, accidentally pour in 1/2 the bottle because it is so thin that it overflowed the measuring spoon and got everywhere before I could blink twice. Mix well.

If you have the time, put the mix in the fridge for a couple of hours and it is easier to form into little balls. If not, just squish them into teaspooned balls on a cookie sheet that has been covered with foil and well greased. Bake at 350* for 8-10 minutes, or until the smoke detector goes off. Get them off the pan and onto wax paper IMMEDIATELY after coming out of the oven or they will stick like glue. I melted chocolate and dripped on for drama. Enjoy. Cover loosely with plastic wrap and store at room temperature. These came out chewy. I don't know if they are supposed to be firm or chewy, but they have been well received. Keep your fingers crossed to see if I win the cookie division of the contest.

"Not Easy" but Simplified Macaroons